Being a Friend

     What is the difference between being friends WITH everyone and being a friend TO everyone? This question has been on my mind for the past week, and I want to share with you what I have discovered.
 
     Last semester, I really struggled with making friends. For the first time in my life, I felt shy in a way. I didn't think anyone would want to be my friend and so I was scared to reach out to others. At the beginning of April, I had one particular friend who confided in me. We were quite close and I even told him about the struggles I was having socially. He completely understood what I was saying! We were able to talk about friendship and how it's nice to have people you can rely on. I left that conversation happy knowing that I had such a good friend in him. Unfortunately, that was the last real conversation that we had. I'd invite him to hang out and he would never respond. I'd see him around and he would avoid eye contact. HOW RUDE?! That's what I would scream in my head whenever I saw him.

    That little anecdote is practically the epitome of how I felt my social life was going. Friends not acting like friends. Or losing contact with people who I thought cared about me as much as I cared for them. The whole semester was spent thinking about how people were treating ME. How nobody wanted to be friends with ME. What was wrong with ME? I'll tell you what was wrong with me... I was too focused on myself. I wanted to be friends with all these different people. I wanted people to care about me and like me. But all that time that was spent worrying about myself was time wasted. Just because I wasn't friends WITH everyone, doesn't mean that I couldn't have been a friend TO everyone.

     Being kind to someone takes very little effort. Letting someone know that you are there for them takes very little effort. You don't have to agree with someone's political, religious, or philosophical views in order to appreciate them as a person. You don't need to share the same interests or listen to the same music in order to care about or treat someone with respect and love. A person doesn't even have to like you for you to be a friend to them. We each have the ability to reach out and be a friend to all those with whom we interact. We each have the power to have a positive impact on those that surround us. So what is stopping us?

     My insecurities were stopping me, but then I stopped and realized that it shouldn't have been about me. Friendship is not about what other people can do for us; it's about what we can do for other people. Whenever you feel unwanted or unneeded, STOP IT! You are wanted and YOU ARE NEEDED, because your friendship could make a huge difference. This is something that I am really striving to work on because I am by no means great at it. Despite my lack of perfection in this area, I feel comfortable in saying that I am happier when applying this concept. Some questions that I've found helpful are:

1) Who can I be a friend to?

2) How can I be a friend to them?

3) Who haven't I been a friend to?

4) Why haven't I been a friend to them?

5) What can I do to start treating them like a friend?

     If you find yourself in a social rut like I was, try changing your perspective. It has made all the difference in my life, and I couldn't be more grateful.

Kindness is TOTALLY Cool!

     One week ago, I was on the way to a friend's wedding reception when my car broke down on the freeway in Utah. If you've ever driven in Utah, you know that traffic is insane! Cars around me were going 80 mph and my car was just sitting there; the gas pedal not working. After putting the hazard lights on, I eased my way to the side of the road.

KINDNESS #1: The people in the cars around me slowed down enough for me to safely make it off the freeway. 

     I called my dad so that he could tell me what to do. Sitting idly by for a few minutes must have done something to help my car because when I tried driving again, the gas pedal worked (sort of). Getting to the nearest gas station was quite the task, but I somehow made it! At this point, I had no idea where I was. I went inside to ask the cashier. A man came up to me and made a joke by saying, "In a gas station!" (Hardy-har)! Needless to say, I was not in the mood. I made some short response and turned back to the cashier. When I found out where I was, I stepped outside to call my dad again. Emotions were slightly high because my dad was concerned about my safety and I felt like he didn't understand what exactly was happening. 

KINDNESS #2: The same man who cracked the joke came outside and asked if everything was alright. Just as I began raising my voice to my dad, this man asked if there was anything that he could do to help me. He did this despite the short response I had given him inside. That kindness helped to calm my nerves and I was able to speak and think more rationally. 

     We knew that I needed to find a place to stay, so I found the hotel closest to where I was at. I stayed the night and the next day my dad came. Luckily, he was in Utah for a Youth Conference with the youth from our church. He was able to help me get the car to the dealership and then drop me off near my friend's wedding reception before having to head back to be with the youth.

      At this point, I was sitting in Provo by myself with nothing but a book, my phone, and some chap-stick. There's this cute little outside mall area that has some shops and eateries. I found an adorable antique bookshop in that area and asked the employees if I could just hang out for a while.

KINDNESS #3: The employees at this bookshop were SO nice! They let me sit in there and read for a few hours so that I wouldn't have to sit in the 100 degree weather. 

     After reading for a while, I noticed that my phone was at a dangerously low battery charge. This was an issue because I had no idea where I would be staying that night and how I would get there. I needed my phone so that I wasn't so completely stranded. I asked if there was anywhere near that I could walk to so that I could buy a phone charger. 

KINDNESS #4: The employees offered to let me borrow their phone chargers. When it was the wrong type of charger, one of them offered to drive me to the nearest place that I could purchase my own. It was over a mile away and she didn't want me walking all that way in the heat. 

     While at the gas station I was able to purchase not only a charger, but a toothbrush and some toothpaste as well. One less stress, YAY! She took me back to the bookstore and I hung out there for another while until my friend's reception started. 

KINDNESS #5: By this time, I had many family members reach out to me and offer their homes. I was able to figure it out with one of my aunts that I would stay at her house and my friend would drive me from the reception. 

     The reception began and the friend who was supposed to give me a ride left. She left a few minutes after arriving and instead of giving me time to stress out, another friend immediately offered a ride. 

KINDNESS #6: This was a HUGE blessing and a sacrifice for him and his fiance. They were supposed to drive back to Idaho that night so that they could move all their stuff into their new apartment the next day. Driving me to another city in Utah at that late hour was probably the last thing they wanted to do. But they did it anyway! 

     I was able to make it to my aunt's house and get some much needed rest.

KINDNESS #7: At 8 o'clock the next morning, my aunt drove me to yet another city in Utah so that I could pick up my car. 

     With a fixed car, and a birthday date with my family to look forward to, I hit the road and was able to make it home safely. 

     These examples of kindness that I have shared are but a few of the acts of love and kindness that I felt and witnessed during that crazy experience. I didn't even mention the girl who was cracking jokes at the burger place I went to, or the lady who took the time to give me a tour of her antique shop because I had nothing else to do. There were also the countless people who simply smiled at me in passing. These people and the effort that they put into being kind is what made a potentially maddening moment a meaningful memory instead. 

     Last weekend could have been stressful, frustrating, and annoying as heck; but instead, it was a pleasant weekend full of wonderful people. I had the opportunity to meet some incredible humans and was also reminded of the impact that a small act of kindness can have. You never know what someone is going through and it NEVER hurts to be kind. If you have a kind thought about someone, share it. If you have a mouth, smile. It really doesn't take all that much effort. I will certainly work to be better at this because... kindness is TOTALLY cool!