Comparison Kills Compassion

In grade school, we learn how to compare and contrast certain concepts, but as we grow older we somehow make it a habit of comparing ourselves to everyone else. These past two weeks have really shown me how harmful this kind of behavior can be. When we compare ourselves to others, it is not only difficult to have compassion for those we are comparing ourselves to, but for ourselves as well.

There’s a girl that I used to room with. We were super close friends but we began to grow apart and it was all my fault. For privacy purposes I am going to call her Vicky. Vicky is a beautiful human with many talents and good qualities. She was always going on dates and it seems like she had a new guy that was interested in her every day. The rest of my roommates and I really struggled socially. A big question in our apartment became, “Why her and none of us?” This question etched itself into my mind. I began nitpicking everything I did and compared it to everything that she did. This became super toxic and I no longer wanted to be around her. Whenever I felt alone, I blamed her. Whenever I felt like nobody liked me, I blamed her. Whenever anything bad happened, I could somehow take the emotions that I was feeling and tie them back to her to make it her fault.

This frame of mind made life more difficult for me because of all the negative emotions it brought and it also caused plenty of drama within our group of friends. It was not until earlier this morning that I was able to set my pride aside and recognize that I no longer cared for her because I was too busy comparing myself to her. I also realized that I could change my attitude and try to make it better again. Instead of comparing, I decided to simply recognize. Recognize the good in both of us and treat her the way that all children of God deserve to be treated.  

Comparing myself to her killed all the compassion that I had for her. BUT when I decided to recognize that good in her, I didn’t feel like she was the enemy anymore. She could be my friend again. It sounds lame, but comparing really is a dangerous mental game to play. It’s destructive to the people around us and especially to us personally.

This semester is a big one for me. I'm currently taking my Early Practicum class. That means that I go to an elementary school twice a week and work with a teacher in their classroom. It's been an exciting experience thus far and I am ecstatic to continue learning. Despite how incredible this opportunity is, it is extremely stressful. If I don't pass this class, I will not be able to continue in my major. YIKES! There's another girl from my class who was assigned to the same teacher as me. I was very excited at first because I thought it would be nice to have some support from another struggling college student. Boy, was I wrong... She is a college student, but she does not seem to be struggling. I’m going to call her Hope. Hope is a very sweet girl. She grew up in a family of teachers and has been working in her father's classroom since she was very young. She understands the ins and outs of an elementary school and how it runs. She knows how to work in a classroom effectively so that the students can get the most out of every lesson.

Hope is also happily married. Her sentences always begin as, "My husband..." or "In my dad's classroom..." Just last week, I asked her how old she is. When she said 19, my heart sank. All I could think of was how this girl, younger than me, is happily married when I can't even seem to make friends let alone get a date? How is she so confident in front of 23 kids when I can hardly introduce myself without messing up? It didn’t even like kids until a few years ago! Every moment with her has been excruciating. Not because she has done anything wrong, but because I can't help but feel inadequate around her. She's so much better at life then me. I’ll never be a good enough teacher.

 At least that's what I was telling myself until my roommate said, "Hannah, just because she was dealt different cards than you, does not mean that you won’t be a good teacher. You’re strong because you’re choosing something that’s unfamiliar to you!”  I had not idea how badly I needed to hear that. Because I was comparing our backgrounds, confidence, and abilities, I was unable to see my potential. I had absolutely no compassion for myself as I kept telling myself that I would never make it as an educator. WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! Instead of focusing on what Hope can do better than me, I need to start focusing on what I’m learning and how I am personally improving. This is NOT easy. I’m still probably going to doubt myself. I’ll more than likely still feel anxious going in to teach. But we are here to progress toward perfection, not be perfect. Baby steps are big enough steps for me.

Writing this blog today has felt a bit hypocritical because I still compare myself to others in a number of circumstances. It’s hard not too! Writing this has also solidified what I have learned and helped me realize that comparison really is toxic and it really does kill compassion. We are all children of God and we all deserve to be treated as such. We all have great potential, but we are blinded from it when we try to ‘measure up’ to others and ideals. Accept yourself. Accept your progress. Because YOU ARE ENOUGH!

Living and Learning

     Just over a month ago, I entered into my 20th year of life! And golly gee, I sure have learned a lot in that time. I want to share with you 20 of the most valuable lessons I have learned. (These are in no particular order).

In order to take care of others, it's important to take care of oneself.

     I've been reading this book about understanding and loving others with PTSD. In it, there are sections regarding personal care. It's very important to understand our boundaries and how much we can handle when helping others. If we need a mental health day, then take one! When I'm feeling anxious or depressed, I'm not much help to anyone. My best efforts in helping others occur when I am helping myself too. Take care of yourself! It's not selfish. It's healthy!

GOD IS REAL and so is His love!

     Alma 30:44 "But Alma said unto him: Thou has had signs enough; will ye tempt your God? Will ye say, Show unto me a sign, when ye have the testimony of all these thy brethren, and also all the holy prophets? The scriptures are laid before thee, yea, and all things denote there is a God; yea, even the earth, and all things that are upon the face of it, yea, and its motion, yea, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator." (emphasis added) Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ have given us EVERYTHING!

It's okay to not be okay.

     When I was a senior in High School, I found out that I had depression. So many people had this image of me in their minds that I was always happy and so I tried to maintain that image. Happiness was still a pretty current state for me, but I would beat myself up if people knew I ever struggled emotionally. (Ridiculous, right?!) I even had a friend in college that said, "Hannah, you're not allowed to be sad! You're too positive!" Uhmm... yes. I am allowed to be sad. Everyone is. That's when I realized that it's impossible to be 100% happy 100% percent of the time. It's okay to acknowledge that we all have bad days. We all have tough moments. And it's okay to not be okay.

Dreaming big is completely acceptable.

     If there is something you want to accomplish, you CAN do it! Just inquire, plan, prep, and then work work work work work work. Turn your dreams into goals, and then go achieve!! This has worked for me in the past as some of my dreams (that I never thought would be possible) have come true!

It's never too late to start again.

     Being a stubborn little nugget, I wanted to beat the New Year's Resolution Flop that I heard about on TV. I thought it was so silly that no one made and kept New Year's Resolutions and I wanted to prove to myself that it could be done, so I became kind of obsessed with setting goals. The way I am able to achieve my goals is by constantly starting again. Messing up is part of the process. Sometimes I miss a day. Sometimes I don't do as well as I wish I had. When this happens, I want to give up. BUT THAT IS JUST SO WRONG! It's NEVER too late to start again. Keep going! Keep trying! You got this! You have not failed until you have quit trying.

Sometimes we need to sacrifice what we want for something that we want more.

     This has been very applicable in my life on various different accounts regarding education, work, and socializing. But this has gained greater meaning as I've thought of it in relation to Jesus Christ's Atonement. He suffered, bled, and died for us that we might be able to return to live with our Father in Heaven. The pain and suffering that He went through was so great that He pleaded with His Father, asking to let it pass from Him if there was any other way. He wanted the pain to go away, but He wanted to save us even more. He wanted to fulfill His purpose and God's will in 'bringing to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.' Jesus Christ sacrificed what He wanted for what He wanted more... and that was us. <3

Use it up. Wear it out. Make do or do without.

     There are times when I think, "Wow, I really need a new...(fill in the blank)." Then I remember that I'm not entitled to a new anything. If it fulfills it's purpose, then I should be perfectly content with it. I've learned to just be grateful for what I have even if it's not the newest, shiniest, or in the best condition.. (I'm not always great at this but nobody is perfect, right)? 

By Small and Simple Things are Great things Brought to Pass.

     One of my favorite quotes is, "Your speed does not matter. Forward is forward!" Baby steps in the right direction are still getting us to where we're going. This is also applicable in being kind to others. It does not take much to lift up others and brighten someone's day. 

Enjoying Life's Little Blessings is Muy Importante.

     There are some things in life that are meant to be enjoyed. Some of my favorites are bouncy balls, clouds, balloons, videos of baby elephants splashing around in water, sloth cakes, and those few moments when I understand what someone is saying in Spanish. These things don't bring long-term joy, but they certainly make day-to-day life a bit more exciting. What are some little blessings that you enjoy? (I'd love to hear your answers in the comments)!

You Are NOT Your Problems.

     Just because I have depression does not mean that I have to be a depressed person. I think sometimes people with mental and physical health problems begin to identify themselves as their problem. It may be a part of who you are, but it is not who you are. Who you are and who you become is ultimately up to you! 

Learning is RIGHTEOUS!

     HECK YES IT IS! It's not always easy, but it is always worth it. It's not always fun, but it definitely can be. Fun Fact: The Sun and Earth are closest to each other on January 3rd. So why is it so cold during that time do you ask? Because the seasons have nothing to do with Earth's revolutions around the sun and everything to do with the tilt of the Earth. See? Wasn't that fun? (DM me if you want to know more ;))!

Family is Kind of the Best Thing EVER!

     Being at school in Idaho has given me the opportunity to spend more time with my extended family. It has been totally tubular! The love that I have in my heart for my family is unbelievable and I'm so grateful that I get to be with them forever. With family is a very special place to be.

Progress Occurs Outside of the Comfort Zone.

     As much as I love reading, real learning occurs through experience. I've grown more as a person in the moments when I wasn't entirely sure what to do or didn't feel quite comfortable. Vulnerability is a good thing! It's hard. It stinks sometimes. It can be frustrating to the ends of the earth, but growth and progress really do occur outside of the comfort zone.

Jamming out to Hannah Montana is Nothing to be Ashamed of.

     To have The Best of Both Worlds it's important to be a True Friend and to recognize that Nobody's Perfect. When someone made fun of my roommate for listening to Disney Channel music, I wanted to Start All Over and have a Hoedown Throwdown right then and there!

It is Impossible to be Happy Without Gratitude!

     Having an attitude of gratitude has opened my eyes to so many of the blessings and miracles that occur daily in my life. One day, I was grateful for the smell of the soap that I used to mop the floor. Which in turn helped me be grateful that I was able to mop the floor and get paid to do it! Which reminded me of why I was working and allowed me to feel grateful to have something to work for. (School). Etc. Etc. I've never been happy without also being filled with gratitude.

People are Important.

     Everyone is a child of God! Everyone has a purpose. Everyone matters. So let's all treat each other like it. (Again, I'm not always great at this, but I'm trying)!

You Are Capable of More Than You Know.

     Don't you ever give up, because you honestly have more potential that you could ever realize. I have to constantly remind myself of this. Whenever I am pushed past what I feel are my limits, I find that my limits are far beyond what I expected. Yours are too! Don't sell yourself short!!

Prayers ARE Heard and Answered.

     When I was younger, I wanted to become an Olympic Gymnast. I trained and trained and there came a point when I needed to make a decision. If I were to continue in gymnastics, I would need to give up all the other sports and music activities that I was in. I would have to commit to trips that would keep me from going to church. As a young child, I didn't know what to do but I knew Heavenly Father would help me decide. I said a prayer and felt the answer was to quit gymnastics completely. Thank goodness I did! I've found myself involved in other activities that I have developed more passion for than I had had for gymnastics (which I totally did not think was possible). I'm grateful for where and who I am today and I know that it would be completely different had I not counseled with God. He is real and he listens to and answers all of our prayers. Even if it's not in the time or way that we want/expect.

Never Stop Dancing!

     Life is too short to be embarrassed about enjoying a dance in the rain. If you've ever been shopping with me, you know that I boogie down in the store. Whenever it rains, be prepared to promenade to the parking lot with me for a hooting sock hop. If the music is playing, I'm a-twisting!

Baby Elephants are the Cutest! 

     My most recently added bucket list item is to hug a baby elephant. Don't worry y'all, it'll happen someday.

What's a valuable lesson that you have learned in your life? Let me know down in the comments section! :) Have a blessed week y'all!